Hello Ellenbarkin,
Who doesn't love her? These alias' are very fun. I wanted to say welcome since everyone was so kind to me last week when I somehow stumbled onto this site. Since that day I have been continuously blown away by the power of this group. I find it literally amazing. Maybe I am so impressed in part because I am so extremely alone but whatever the reason it has been the Godsend I have always wanted.
The people on here seem to be like Ashley (educator) said, "strong fighters". I love all these perfect strangers and the words of compassion, wisdom and experience from the educators simply blow me away daily. I have drawn so much strength every single time I open this site. I find it to be a wonderful support in my abstaining. I kind of feel sometimes like I can't beleive it's real, it is so good.
So, tonight has been a very, very challenging night and I stopped what I was doing to get online here to read and connect and it is like a breath of fresh air.......giving me a renewed strength and committment to my goal of remaining sober, today!
I gave away my half bottle of Tequila to my neighbor and the open pot I had as well. he appreciated it, lol, but he needs this more than I do but I do realize that is HIS decision and not mine. I just could not bring myself to pour that liquor out, for some reason.
I too am about your age, 56, and only found liquor at age 48 but boy howdy when I did, I didn't mess around.
I found the brand I liked and went to town with it. I was never a bar person and I had no drinking friends so I was mainly a closet drinker too. I simply did what I wanted. I have no family or kids and I was employed so I would drink first thing in the morning, a shot or two, then again around lunch or whenever.
I mentioned never having bad consequences but I knew I was not living up to my potential since I was always buzzed.
I remember reading about Paul Newman and how as he got older he too slowed his drinking down much like you described. I think that can be common. My Dad did that too.
Anyway, I am glad you came and hope to read you again!
MC, I mentioned my closet drinking because of you. My heart aches for your pain. I could feel in words how desperate you must feel often. Drinking alone was fun at first but later I just became angry and miserable. Ashley is right you DO deserve your boyfriend and he is lucky to have you! It is true. She said it so well, there is so much help here and so much support. Do come back.
I draw so much strength from reading everyone's posts, I hope you do too. You are not alone. You can do this.
Funny point for me is I never liked to drink with others as I do not like being around drinkers very much. ha
They (me) are so boorish. Your boyfriend must not be a big drinker, huh? That's great, if that is true.
Having a partner who is living life the way you want to is excellent and waay better than the opposite.
I wish you the best night and hope to read your posts again.
I feel a million times better just for having come on here and venting, I feel so understood on here.
I have a ton of anxiety from life issues, losing my home, career, horse died, dog died, IRS problems, court issues...and more but like someone else pointed out what started out as a way to cope with all these issues turned out to be a bigger problem than any of them.
Those ar
