It truly is difficult to trust that just one drag will lead you into the rabbit hole again until you do it, and then it's too late. There are a million excuses I can use for my last relapse but ultimately they don't matter. It had been almost 2 months and that first cigarette was terrible and made me vomit, something I hadn't done since my very first cigarette ever. I bummed the smoke so I figured I was ok. And it was so horrible that I thought "oh good that was gross and I never want to smoke again. Glad I did that." Did not expect to have a hurricane force craving several hours later followed by knowing that I would be smoking again, and not only was I smoking again, I was smoking more than I ever had within just a few short days. It comes back with a vengeance... Actually the addiction never goes away, I just forgot what it can be like.
