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Scared out of my mind.


I am not doing well at all. I think hormones are part of the issue. I feel like nobody cares. Anyway, I should go to bed. I wrote more in my blog...
Hi Momstheword,
 
I am sorry you arn't feeling well. It sounds like a very frustrating situation; it doesn't sound like there is a lot of hope you are feeling right now either. We are here to listen and support you; you are not alone in this.
 
But please, please, enough with the guilt.  I don't mean that in a harsh way; I will listen to you feel guilty as much as you would like to talk about it but it will not make anything better; it will actually make things worse. You are ill; would you feel guilty if you were bed ridden with a physical illness?  Would you think another person is being "lame" if they were depressed?
 
I have read quite a bit from you (even from your past accounts) and I know you are doing the best you can and you are a good mom. YOU know you are a good mom so no more language like "lameness". This type of thinking is hurting you and making progress more difficult.  Know you are doing the best you can, keep trying, keep trying to be positive, and start being easier on yourself. The guilt is partially due to the depression but this is the exact kind of cognitive distortion that needs to change.
 
So let's reframe, What is it like being the mom of a beautiful little kiddo and having to work as hard as you do to get well?
 
What makes you a good mom despite the depression?
 
What are you proud of?
 
What do you do for your daughter despite feeling tired all the time?
 
 
 
Ashley, Health Educator
I would say right now my most difficult symptoms are exhaustion/fatigue/sleepiness, complete lack of motivation, low self-worth and guilt. Sometimes anxiety kicks in too. 
 
I can't seem to do anything or want to do anything. And when I do feel like doing something I am too tired for it. I feel like I am drowning in my own lameness.
 
Anyway, today was okay but I am having a rough moment now so I will sign off. Thanks for asking :) 
So glad to hear Kiddo is home , but sorry to hear you are not feeling great.  Can you tell us more about what you're going through?  Wondering how we can help...know we are thinking of you! Vincenza, Health Educator
Hi guys, this is one of my many alternate accounts. (Again, sorry to the researchers.). I am not sure which email or password this was under. But since someone reopened this thread I thought I may as well let you know I am back. It's funny, I had forgotten I had written this. I thought I had been dealing really well with this until now. I guess I hadn't been. Wow, denial is a powerful thing. It seems I have ben struggling longer than I thought. 
 
So, the news is, Kiddo is home. He is wonderful. I am the one who is doing not so well. Thanks all for your warmth and support. 
9 years ago 0 ~m 1022 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Original Post by: ~m
Hi Catherine... you have been on my mind and I am hoping you have found some help and some peace in coping with your current situation.  I thought you might be able to appreciate these words written by a woman who inspires me greatly.  I hope they help bring some consolation to you as you deal with the loss of your pregnancy and the transitions you are experiencing...

Some days it's just OK to not be OK, and we shouldn't feel ashamed about it. I refuse to suppress my sorrows, finding that acknowledgement helps me through the process of addressing them. Rather like taking a garment from a drawer, not to wear, just to unfold it, examine the fabric, appreciate the quality, and then quietly refold it to put it back again. Knowing it is there.. even if there is nothing I can do to change it, I might understand it a little better and see some beauty previously overlooked. Then when I have had enough time to reflect, I will get up, dust myself down, and enjoy all the loving and living that I am blessed with. Sometimes we just need to take a little time out to get over it.. (Haley Darby)

Let us know how you are doing when you get a chance.
Thank you Amy for re-starting this thread.  It was good for me to read the quote I had posted from a friend.  When I fall into the abyss it is hard to remember what to do.  I would place this quote on your other post about coping with setbacks, but I can't seem to cut and paste it properly... too lazy (depressed?) to retype the whole thing.  I will try again later.  I'm just so tired.... not scared... just tired.
 
 
9 years ago 0 benny 2 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Catherine,
 
I am sorry to hear of your troubles.
 
While we do not know eachother, there is a bond that people who suffer from mental health problems have and a empathic understanding that no one else can appreciate unless they have gone through it themselves.
It sounds like the most important thing to you right now is to see your baby and to care for yourself. Perhaps you can remind yourself and counteract negative thoughts with phrases like:
 
"i am a good mother, i love and miss my baby. To move forward, I understand I need to let him get well in the hospital and I too need to take care of myself through rest, love and self acceptance"
 
If you can highlight to yourself the feeling and the behaviour it  might help you focus on trying to explore a new perspective in that moment. Maybe try journalling if verbalizing the skill does not help?
 
As others have mentioned, try to seek support from others in person as physical contact and presence is so uplifting for the soul and to reaffirm you are not alone in this situation. You have a world at your fingertips and a group of strangers praying and hoping and wishing you well.
 
Stay strong.
Amy
9 years ago 0 ~m 1022 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Catherine... you have been on my mind and I am hoping you have found some help and some peace in coping with your current situation.  I thought you might be able to appreciate these words written by a woman who inspires me greatly.  I hope they help bring some consolation to you as you deal with the loss of your pregnancy and the transitions you are experiencing...

Some days it's just OK to not be OK, and we shouldn't feel ashamed about it. I refuse to suppress my sorrows, finding that acknowledgement helps me through the process of addressing them. Rather like taking a garment from a drawer, not to wear, just to unfold it, examine the fabric, appreciate the quality, and then quietly refold it to put it back again. Knowing it is there.. even if there is nothing I can do to change it, I might understand it a little better and see some beauty previously overlooked. Then when I have had enough time to reflect, I will get up, dust myself down, and enjoy all the loving and living that I am blessed with. Sometimes we just need to take a little time out to get over it.. (Haley Darby)

Let us know how you are doing when you get a chance.
Hi Catherine,
 
I'm so sorry to hear you're going through such a difficult time, and to be away from your newborn...
It's too easy and dangerous to get caught up in all the what ifs. 
In addition to all of ~m's great suggestions, one simple and effective tool is to do some controlled, deep breathing exercises.
Try taking in a deep breath over 4 seconds.  Then hold for another 4 seconds and slowly exhale for 4 seconds.
Repeat this as you need.
It helps clear your mind and keep those nasty 'what if?' thoughts away - helping you to be in the moment.
Here for you, 

 

Vincenza, Health Educator
9 years ago 0 ~m 1022 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Catherine.  Welcome back.  I am sorry you are having such difficulties... your anxiety and depression is totally understandable.  Where is your hubby?  Do you have a girl friend, sister, mother... some woman who can come care for you?   What about a new mother's group? You need support sweetie.  You need to reach out and ask for help!  You have come here for support which is good, but right now... you need someone physically present to help you deal with all of this.  Please don't be embarrassed or shy about asking for it.  It is important that you do this not only for yourself but for your sweet boy as well.  Please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing.  As a woman,  mom, and grandmother ... I extend my hand and a gentle cyber hug for you to hang onto.  You will be in my thoughts and prayers tonight for sure. 


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