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Penny for your thoughts?

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Penny for your thoughts?

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1022

Rowsie... I'm a stay at home grandma and was a stay at home mom until my kids were in middle school. It's hard staying home with children all day. Sometimes, it is excrutiatingly boring... it is. All week I see two adults... my dh who comes home cranky from work and wanting my attention and my daughter who swoops in to drop off or pick up the children. It gets lonely. When my own children were young I kept my sanity by having a neighborhood group that got together once a week for the kids to play and the mom's to talk. I also was active in church activities and had a babysitter so I could take riding lessons a couple of times a month.

Just because you are home with the kids.... does not mean that you need to isolate yourself. Get out... take a class... meet with previous co-workers for lunch.... find a mothers' group.... something... anything that stimulates you apart from the children. What you are doing for your children by being home is priceless. It's cliche... but true... the are young for such a short time... in hindsight it will have gone quickly but, admittedly, day by day... it can seem like forever.

Bottom line is that you need to take care of you while you are doing the most important job in the world.... just my perspective of course. I should take my own advice but most women my age are involved in successful careers or enjoying retirement. My neighbor is an early grandma with her own sons still at home... our grands are the same age but she is so busy with her own family that I rarely see her. Although when I do.... it sure makes me appreciate how easy my life really is.... even if it doesn't always feel that way.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

~m, you described that wonderfully. I, too, feel this way. It either takes me quickly with a clear reason or I slowly slip. I am rereading session 1 as well. This time I slipped slowly and the techniques that I was using everyday and had become second nature seem to be out of reach for the moment.

When my mind wanders, it always returns to work. I miss the people and the day to day interactions of the workplace. I miss the comradery and yes, even the customers. I seem to have a bad case of the "should I's." Should I go back to work? Should I really be staying home with the kids? Should I be doing something more intellectual with my life? I simply don't know.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1022

I've been thinking a lot about depression and how I cycle into and out of it. Re-doing session one is the catalyst I suppose... although I haven't really gotten very far yet.

I either fall into darkness abruptly with no warning... like stepping off the edge of a cliff I didn't know was there...Something triggered this, whether I recognize what it is at the time or not. As frightening as it is, this entry is actually the easier to get out of. I'm on alert immediately and know where to go and what to do to get out of the abyss. Usually takes less than a week these days.

The other entry is a slow, insidious slide... a little bit at a time... lulls me into thinking it is minor and will pass soon... so I try to just go with it. Don't panic. Be cool. Slipping, sliding, slowly gliding toward the darkness. I'm so tired. I'm so sad. After several weeks I begin to forget when I last felt ok. I forget what to do to get myself back out. And, if I remember... I no longer have the energy to do anything about it. The slightest conflict leaves me wanting to withdraw... forever. I'll just wait. Eventually it will go away on its own.

It doesn't.

So my mind wants to freak out and get all helpless, but here I am... just in time to get back on track, tune up my awareness and actively participate in getting myself going again. That sounds good doesn't it? It is good the sessions are numbered so I have help finding the right direction to crawl toward.

So, that is what I've been thinking about along with some really good and positive stuff I wrote about in my blog. I thought that would cause the heaviness to lift immediately.

It didn't.