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CBT Day - Anger, Part IV


16 years ago 0 8760 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Housesitter, Welcome to the group! I'm glad our posts on anger have been of help to you. Please tune in on Sundays and Thursdays for more. We will be tackling anger all month. We also have a sister site that may be of interest to you for maintenance of your sobriety in addition to the support you're receiving on the home front. (www.alcoholhelpcenter.net) We encourage you to begin familiarizing yourself with the tools of the program located in your session diary. If you have any questions, just ask and be sure to keep us posted on how you're doing! Danielle, Bilingual Health Educator
16 years ago 0 1 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
I'm certainly glad that today is the day that I chose to look into the support group. It was great reading about anger management - one of my "to dos" that I am working on. I will be looking up the previous 3 postings. As you probably have gathered, I am new to the group and will probably say many of the things that have already been said but I'm going to do so anyways so to start with I'll give you a brief background on myself. I have been suffering from bouts of depression in varying degrees for almost as long as I can remember and seem to have been on every type of medication made - as there is always something newer and better. That along with pyschotherapy only seem to modify the depression but never seem to eradicate to take it completely away. To top things off, I have just recently admitted to myself and the world that I am an alcoholic and working through the early recovery stage. Alcohol was not always my problem - just my crutch when things got really bad and now I fully understand that the drinking just made things worse. With the assistance of my counsellor and the 12 step program, I have decided to take things into my own hands and work through my shortcomings as I identify them. I know that anger and low self-esteem are two of the biggies and they are on my hit list. I have an impressional "tween" daughter and slightly younger son that I don't want modelling my behavior so I MUST do something now, if not just for myself but for them and their futures as well. I know I will be calling on the advice and support of the group in the future for many things. Thanks in advance.
16 years ago 0 8760 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Members, This will be our last post on anger management. Today, we will be discussing skills as opposed to strategies. What’s the difference? Skills take more time to develop so be sure to remember to not come down hard on yourself and to keep practicing these new skills. Cognitive Restructuring Simply put, this means changing the way you think. Angry people tend to curse, swear, or speak in highly colorful terms that reflect their inner thoughts. When you're angry, your thinking can get much exaggerated and overly dramatic. Try replacing these thoughts with more rational ones. For instance, instead of telling yourself, "oh, it's awful, it's terrible, everything's ruined," tell yourself, "it's frustrating, and it's understandable that I'm upset about it, but it's not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it anyhow." Be careful of words like "never" or "always" when talking about yourself or someone else. They also serve to make you feel that your anger is justified and that there's no way to solve the problem. They also alienate and humiliate people who might otherwise be willing to work with you on a solution. Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything, that it won't make you feel better (and may actually make you feel worse). Logic defeats anger, because anger, even when it's justified, can quickly become irrational. So use cold hard logic on yourself. Remind yourself that the world is "not out to get you," you're just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life. Do this each time you feel anger getting the best of you, and it'll help you get a more balanced perspective. Angry people tend to demand things: fairness, appreciation, agreement, willingness to do things their way. Everyone wants these things, and we are all hurt and disappointed when we don't get them, but angry people demand them, and when their demands aren't met, their disappointment becomes anger. As part of their cognitive restructuring, angry people need to become aware of their demanding nature and translate their expectations into desires. In other words, saying, "I would like" something is healthier than saying, "I demand" or "I must have" something. When you're unable to get what you want, you will experience the normal reactions—frustration, disappointment, hurt—but not anger. Some angry people use this anger as a way to avoid feeling hurt, but that doesn't mean the hurt goes away Better Communication Angry people tend to jump to—and act on—conclusions and some of those conclusions can be very inaccurate. The first thing to do if you're in a heated discussion is slow down and think through your responses. Don't say the first thing that comes into your head, but slow down and think carefully about what you want to say. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering. Listen, too, to what is underlying the anger. For instance, you like a certain amount of freedom and personal space, and your "significant other" wants more connection and closeness. If he or she starts complaining about your activities, don't retaliate by painting your partner as a jailer, a warden, or an albatross around your neck. It's natural to get defensive when you're criticized, but don't fight back. Instead, listen to what's underlying the words: the message that this person might feel neglected and unloved. It may take a lot of patient questioning on your part, and it may require some breathing space, but don't let your anger—or a partner's—let a discussion spin out of control. Keeping your cool can keep the situation from becoming a disastrous one. Next week we will be taking a more in depth look at communication skills and patterns to help you practice and improve this skill. We now invite members to post any victories, questions or im

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