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Becoming a better person.


10 years ago 0 6252 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Ashley, like a lot of people I used to stop for coffee on the way home from work. One day going home I noticed in the mirror that I was frowning. I thought, I'm not very happy and don't like who I see looking back at me. This is not me. On top of that replaying the conversation was bothering me for hours after. Coffee made it worse. But it wasn't the coffee because the next time I went I noticed some people left with a smile. What was the difference. Well I'm an information junky. The ones that smiled might say their day was hard or stressful but never harped on it. They talked about pleasant things and did not join in on controversy. Never did minority bashing. Made their point and dropped it and seemed elsewhere when some one was being negative. In other words they were their own person and didn't care what anyone thought. I doubt they took home anyone else's stress.
On the other hand the chronic complainers were miserable and always left with a frown and probably went home and made everyone there unhappy too. Or got ignored. 
Looking through a photo album I noticed I used to be a happy smiling person. What happened, I liked my job, I like people. It was this parroting of others, this competition to be the most negative that I had picked up. Jekel and Hyde. I'd come through the door happy and leave miserable. It is too easy to get dragged into this and I have a theory why, and this attitude carries into other parts of life. Like me we don't even know it till we see it in the mirror.

My theory. Survival skills which we seldom need are all negative. In a crowd or when pressured we reach for them to protect ourselves. We don't need to but since everyone else is we do. And they cause stress so we reach for more to protect us. I have a couple of friends that argue black is white just to have a point, even if it isn't really their point. Even if you win you will still leave frowning. I know, I've watched people. Enough time in this situation and you become conditioned, you do it and don't know it, even the effect it has on you is hidden from you. But the stress isn't. The anxiety and panic still surfaces. There is no better reason to stop it, to become a better person.

It is a fact that you can not smile with your eyes and panic, they are the windows to the soul. You can try but it won't get above your mouth. They show your true feelings. So watch for the frown and get rid of it.

I care enough what others think to check it out but not so much that I will retaliate to make a point that might hurt some one. I am me and I like me and could not like some one like that. Think on it if you don't like what some one did or is why would you do it or be them. Conditioning I think. It certainly doesn't make you likeable. Must be conditioning since so many do it.

Davit.

PS If you are tired or if the negative slips in unintentionally there is always the word sorry. Better to not need it, better to not make it a habit. And there are those who can't say it. Better for them to not need to.
10 years ago 0 11210 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Great post Davit!

It can be hard not to get dragged into pettiness when other peope around you are being petty and hurtful. I think taking the highroad and following who you are (like you stated) is always the best way to go. It can be tough to not be effected by what others think but I think it is an important lesson for everyone to learn.
 
How were you able to get to the point of not caring what people think? Any tips for us?
 
 

Ashley, Health Educator
10 years ago 0 6252 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
A while back I joined a chat room and was harassed my a person who was determined I was someone else. I spent a lot of time proving who I was and never should have. She tried hard to get me kicked off.
Lately she became engaged (hard to believe) and those who don't know her well are all congratulating her. I'm smart enough I could have told her what I really thought in terms only those that know her would understand. By using words with two meanings it would look like congratulations. 
But I can't. That is not who I am and it is in the past. Oh sure if you pick on me to my face, you will get the worst of it, but that is not me, it is you and I try to just let it go even though it looks like you are right then. It doesn't matter if I know who is right. And it isn't always me. And I don't care if I look weak for it. I know who I am. And I like who I am.
Becoming like someone you don't like only makes you another dog in the Pack. Barking to be heard. It accomplishes nothing.
Become a better person. Those that know you won't need proof and it uses a lot less energy than thinking up ways to get even.

Davit

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