IT IS NEVER TOO LATE.  Even though I often think it is. (just silly)

momsydoo.

anerol

I get myself stressed out because I try to take care of others first.  Right now my blood pressure is borderline and I'm overweight and that doesn't help with the anxiety.  I have recently started to take 1/2 hour a day to do a little exercise, which once I get huffing and puffing, I feel my heart racing and heavy breathing and start to think I'm going to have an anxiety attack.  Sooooooo, then I have another 1/2 hour of deep breathing and trying to calm and convince myself its the exercise, not anxiety.  Thats when I start thinking I should be doing something I've told someone else I would do and the cycle starts again.  I'm getting better at calming now and still doing the exercises.  I have to convince myself that the people I'm putting ahead of me would rather I do this now than end up in the hospital from a heart attack.  Sometimes I know my husband is upset when he comes home from work and doesn't see much done around the house and he asks why, then I get anxious again, but after I explain that I was taking care of myself by exercising and then had to de-stress, I feel better, then I can dote on him a little and we both feel better.  This can be such a battle!  I know the people that know I have anxiety problems look at me and think I'm weak.  Sometimes I feel this way too, then I remind myself that if I weren't STRONG, I would have given up long ago.  Each time I have a major anxiety attack, I remind myself, that I'm usually better within a few days.  I remember a sticker my son had on his computer during college, it read, "If you're going through HELL, Just keep going".

Changes in life as we age cause the need for change and not being able to change is a big cause of stress. Setting unobtainable goals is a cause of stress. Developing a chronic disease and not changing to adjust to it is a cause for stress. trying to be who you are not is a cause for stress. These are all formulas for disaster but can we stop ourselves from doing them? Maybe not. Take me. I have complications to my arthritis that leave me incapable of finishing things I have started and not capable of starting things I had planned. Can I down scale to a more realistic and obtainable goal? I don't know. Will I even try? I don't know. Can I drop all future projects and use the time and money to finish the ones I have started?

Welcome to Behavioral Therapy Day (CBT) on the forums!

Earlier this week we talked about common ways in which we can reduce our stress. Today we will be exploring how our belief system intertwines with our stress levels.
A lot of stress results from our beliefs. We have literally thousands of ideas and assumptions about all kinds of topics & issues that we hold to be the truth. We have beliefs about things, people and ourselves (E.g.: Children should be seen and not heard, she’s too old to be wearing a short skirt, I’m so dumb... ) Most of these beliefs are held unconsciously.

These beliefs can cause stress in two ways:
 
1. The first is the behavior they cause.
For example, if you believe that work should come before pleasure, you are likely to work hard and schedule less time to yourself.  If you believe in “work hard, play hard” you are likely to be balanced.  

If you believe my husband/children/parent/patients/students /work/dog … come first, who’s taking care of you? These type of people tend to get overloaded and burnout.  Solution? Make an effort to learn the skill you are missing. In this case, one of the skills to focus on would be to learn how to delegate.

2. The second way beliefs cause stress is when they are in conflict with those of other people. If we can realize that our varying opinions reflect our upbringing and subsequently neither is right or wrong, our anger will often times diminish.

For ex: Your daughter battles you every morning because she wants to wear her dress to school in the middle of winter.  This morning power struggle stresses you as a parent and stresses your child.  Really, what is the core issue here? You were taught you do not wear dresses when it is cold out. Your three year old may be under the assumption she can wear a dress on any occasion and may not understand the sudden restrictions.

You have three options
1. Keep fighting (neither your way nor her way)
2. Put thick tights on your child (her way but you know she won’t be cold)
3. Let her go bare legs (her way but she’ll likely have a change of opinion having learned the natural consequence of wearing a dress in winter time.)

Last week, we asked you to keep track of your stressful events. How many of them were rooted in your beliefs? What beliefs were they? Are those beliefs the absolute truth?

Samantha, Bilingual Health Educator