Hi everyone, i have quite a long story to tell so bear with me.
I am 26 years old, and this last year has been a roller-coaster of
a ride, 15 months ago i met a girl, I'll call her A, she was a very
cool person, very relaxed and chilled, pretty.
about two months into our relationship, i went to kenya with three
close friends, this was a trip we had arranged a few months before i
met A. While i was in Kenya i met a girl, now nothing happened between
us, we became friends and added each other to facebook. a few days
after we parted ways she left a message on my facebook wall stating she
missed me and hoped the rest of vacation went well. my girlfriend
became a little bit jealous and upon my return her behaviour had
changed. Oh and i forgot to mention that i lost my job due to recession
the day i came back (December 20, merry christams sunny, dont come
back).
after about two months of distrust and working on our relationship
i started to realize that A was a little bit crazy, she smashed my car
window in a drunken rage and after multiple apologies we got back
together, A then decided she hated my friends and made it perfectly
clear that it was either them or her, i, unwisely, picked her. then
her birthday rolled around, A got really drunk and punched me in the
face, i picked up my stuff and began to leave, as i was doing this she
broke down and revealed that she had been raped as a child. Now, I
consider myself to be a decent guy and tried to help her, took her to
the hospital, met up with the psychiatrist, therapy but she started
using the rape as an excuse to take advantage of me, i got myself into
debt buying her presents, gave up ALL of my friends and family to spend
every moment with her.
Due to being out of work, i put on a bit of weight, got a little
lazy and all of a sudden my right leg starting hurting, i ignored this
until one day i was driving home over a bridge and the whole right side
of my body went numb, i managed to pull my foot off the accelerator
with my left arm and used my left leg to pull over. This was the moment
of my FIRST panic attack. As i reflected what happened, i almost died!!
i was speeding over a bridge and miracoulsly managed to escape with my
life.
i started to get anxiety at this point, i developed a phobia of
bridges and avoided driving all together. my girlfriend wasnt very
supportive, in fact belittling me and making me feel bad. i decided i
had to leave her, this was the point when A threatend suicide if i left
her, i didnt believe her so she picked up a knife and promptly stabbed
herself in the arm. that clearly got my attention and A knew it, she
used the threat of suicide to keep me in the relationship, this is
where i developed my post traumatic stress and my depression.
a couple of months ago, A started doing street drugs, cocaine and
ecstacy, in my depression i also started to do them, and one night i
took too much cocaine and had a taccycardia and ended up in the
hospital, this resulted in me having multiple panic attacks every day,
aftyer about 7 visits to emergency in 2 weeks the doctor prescribed me
ativan. ativan is incredibly addictive and i ended up taking about 100
ativan in four weeks as it was the only way to get through my day at
work. it was at this point my girlfriend decided to call my mum and
tell her she was pregnant,at the end of the four weeks i went psychotic
and really really wanted to commit suicide, but managed to take myself
to emergency, where i spent two weeks in a mental health facility. my
now ex girlfriend who ISN'T pregnant also beserk and started
threatneing my family and we had to take a restraining order against
her.
i am currently on the mend, i missed 6 weeks of work, and just
went back today, i still have anxiety all the time but take
anti-depressants and meditate and am getting better. i just found this
website yesterday and it has already has helped.
im sorry for the length of my story, i really did compress it down
and missed a while bunch of details, but i find talking about what
happened to me helps as i kept so much in for so long that i feels so
good to talk about it.
Sunny
