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13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 376

Thank you Andie... I've already been helped so much by your postings. I'm kind of freaking out it a bit right now with the holidays and all, but if I remember to breath and keep reading, there is amazing wisdom and generosity here on this site. I'm so glad I don't have to do this on my own!

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

I've got 30 yrs recovery behind me - and thanks to PTSD it's been kept green all these years, as if it was yesterday. So, if you need any help, you can ask the Team for my e-mail, if that's allowed and you want to. It's always an option and an offer.

The last person I helped continually said he'd never get better, this is awful,nothing ever worked before, etc, etc., and I promised him it would change if he did a few simple things (well ok, more than a few). And the promises came true. He is an amazing new person. Night and day.He feels great now that he's a free man.

But, first things first, you need to be clean to think, so while you're doing your 30 days, look at getting thru one at a time, and then another, and another, and so on. Before you know it, the fog will lift.

Best Wishes, Andie

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 376

That's so funny... about the alcohol... you were both right. My inner addict mumbled something about "That must mean I can go ahead and drink." My inner wisdom was quite clear while saying, "No, it most certainly does not." I'm taking a month away from the Alcohol Help Center... but I'm also on day 3 of a commitment to go completely alcohol free for 30 days... thank you both for your concern and support on this. It's all good!

Ashley, thank you for taking the time to remind me how much I have already accomplished. I feel like I'm starting completely over from scratch. It is very hard to introduce myself to new folks. I don't want to talk about my history or who I am again, but realize ppl here don't know me and it is part of the process I guess. Getting over the anxiety of exposure... of meeting new people... of telling my story. I always avoid doing that in real life. And, as you know, on the forums I have a history of deleting my blogs... usually after posting something honest and important and then I get scared and make it go away. *sigh* I clearly have some work to do.............

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11212

Hi ~m,

If focusing on this program feels right then follow that instinct. Trying to take on too much can be overwhelming and counter productive.

I do have to say you have already accomplished so much and please recognize that. You quit smoking, HUGE achievement. You have also got the drinking under control and have come a long way there. You are making great achievements and I have no doubt you will continue to do so!

Hi Andie, Thanks for clarifying for me. I certainly would not encourage anyone to drink. I don't think ~m interpreted it that way but it is always better to be safe then sorry so thank you!

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 34

Please don't use Ashley's reply as permission to drink, she is not negating the drinking, or to drink to numb you. It dulls the brain, keeps you from thinking straight, difficult to make decisions. It is in the way of you getting to the root of it all. Try tapering down.

Before I got here, I decided I was in too much emotional,physical pain from having mental illness and acting out. So, I decided to numb myself. They were legal Rx, but that tired quickly. Then I went to the MD and here.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 376

Thank you Ashley... apparently just focusing on the Panic Center program for a month would be a huge relief as I'm sitting here suddenly in tears and a headache I've been holding for days suddenly lifted. And, HEY!, I am aware that is happening and why. It just makes a lot of sense to focus on the program here. I guess I needed to hear it from someone else for the clarity to come. And yes, I now believe the alcohol to be more of a symptom of, rather than being, the actual problem.

Upsidedown (Andie?) you were not too long winded. No need to apologize. Your story resonates deeply with me. Seeing how much you have learned and how well you manage, just since starting in August, is very encouraging to me. And thank you for being so open about it all. That's courage! Kinda makes me less fearful and more excited to get to work. Thank you.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11212

Hi ~m,

Thanks for explaining that! It sounds like it would be tough to figure out what to focus on. Doing all the programs at once can be quite overwhelming. The good news is a lot of the information in the Panic Center and Depression Center is similar.

It sounds like the alcohol is not as big of an issue as it was before. Does this sound right? My intuition also tells me you feel the anxiety is the root of the problem? Is this right? If so, how would you feel about just focusing on the Panic Program for about a month and then reevaluating your goals?

If this doesn't feel right what would you be comfortable with?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

I know what you mean - fear and terror kept /keeps me agoraphobic a long time. My PTSD is the worst, with OCD and all the others right behind. My days are plagued with pop ups in my mind of past events, but atleast this program and meds have helped with the panic and anxiety when I feel the hyperventilation coming on. .I always felt the world was/is too big for me. When I was younger, I used to say the movie title ' Stop the World I want to get off'. I'll bet just about all of us can say one step forward, two steps back at various times in our recovery and that we sabotage ourselves often. In my days they didn't talk about ADD/ADHD, depression,ocd,ptsd, etc the way they do now,so I used alcohol and drugs to cover it up and it brought me to and thru a dark and scary era. I was a misfit.When Christmas came along and I'd watch Rudolf I wanted to go to that land of misfits, but I probably wouldn't fit in there either. It took a long time to face my demons. I had to give up drinking/drugging a long time ago only because it would have killed me. And I white knuckled it thru decades,until just a few months ago when events brought me to a psychiatrist that said he was going to help me so I could get some enjoyment and happiness in this lifetime. I didn't believe him. Right now I'm at the point that I'm not experiencing the panic attacks on a daily basis, and with this program I've minimized my anxiety, ocd, etc. I'm still working on the joy and happiness.

Today, I actually put my eatting utensils with the group we keep in our office, and it's only me and my husband, I hesitated as I went to place them with the others, did some self talk and with some hesitation, I was able to lift my hand, that felt like a thousand pounds and did it. (it wasn't for germs - it was the design of these specific ones)

You are not alone. You'll figure it out and you'll have your ah ha moment and it will all fall into place. I hear your desire and your need.

Long winded, sorry.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 376

Yes, I know I need to stop drinking. I first came to Evolution Health programs through the Stop Smoking Center and then the Alcohol Help Center. I quit smoking this summer, but have not been successful with giving up alcohol although I've cut back and de-fogged considerably. With the help of our wonderful Health Educators and members of that forum I came to realize I drink to calm myself and to give myself courage. When I first came in I just thought I drank to turn the volume down on my emotions and that of the world around me. It was all just too loud.

With less alcohol in my system (and as part of the withdrawal) I got pretty depressed. I went over to the Depression Center and started going through the CBT program there while continuing with AHC.. As alcohol consumption declined, and depression started to recede.... Anxiety and friends showed up at the party uninvited. Except, it turned out that the party had been theirs' in the first place. I guess an almost sober, non-depressed me kinda scared those guys and they called in reinforcements... you know the ones: fear, terror, grief, pain, worry, nervousness, fear, etc., etc., etc.

Which brings me here to the Panic Center. I took the tests and was shocked by the results. Apparently I'm more of a mess than I even realized. I am here to get help. I'm here to do whatever it takes to change those neuralpathway thingys. I've shown a tendency to take one step forward and two back.... but every once in awhile I manage to get a full stride going before I start to sabotage myself. But that's another story.

I do thank you for your insight and those questions that got me thinking how to explain. I hope this helps ppl to understand me a little better.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 34

Hi m, this is the first time you mentioned drink. If it's alcohol, perhaps AA, or ?? to help you put down the drink and clear your head. Everything is overwhelming when we're at our bottom. I was drinking to cover the anxiety and fears I had. It finally made me depressed and I was left with a death wish and a cloudy soul. I decided to climb out of the bottom of the pit and take some action. Each day I cleared some more because I was sharing my thoughts, and they were jumbled also, with people who understood. I let them do most of the thinking for me while I was cloudy and in a short time I was clear enough to make my own decisions and bounce them off someone.
Is there a specific reason for the growing anxiety that you'd like to share with us.

You're already opening to us, keep coming here and sharing, before you know it, with a combination of finding a program in your area or an MD, whatever it is, you will see the difference. As long as you take action, I promise you the messy inside disorganized overwhelming feelings will dissapate.Best wishes, Andie

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