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Hi Ashley I made more deep research about this and I feel Im connecting the pieces of the puzzle.
I finded information that when we freeze we dissociate, to avoid the pain. So that s why we can not connect to ourselves or hear our own thoughts. Like our soul/self go away or hide to another place to not face this pain. I feels this is what I do. In this moments I cant connect with me, my thoughts, etc..
So now, when I know I will face some dificult anxiety moments or persons, I prepare myself and concentrate and say and repeat to me "hold on to yourself" . I notice with this new undearstanding, when facing this problematic environments my anxiety levels dont go high like crazy like when I dont do that. My mind gets more peacefull and I can acess better to my thoughts.
I believe may be continue practising that, I could get assertive in the future.
II did t find yet an exposure plan I can do, but I see I have a lot of places to practise this. For example when I go to gym, if I see someone looking at me, I dissociate again, because its unconfortable for me. But I Repeat like a mantra "hold on to yourself" and it helps keep my calm.
I m following Lisa Romano work on youtube. She especializes on narcisistic abuse, full of passive aggressive behaviours. Like my mom did to me, so there Im finding a lot of core beliefs I have, that me alone would be more difficult to find.
I think many people can relate to what you are struggling with. It can be really difficult to deal with someone being rude or passive aggressive. I think you have a lot of insight into what is going on with you. Have you been able to determine the specific core belief(s) that may be effecting how you feel? Also consider how you could make an exposure plan for this fear. It would be tricky as we cannot plan when someone is going to be rude with us but you can try writing things down, role playing or talking to someone who typically is more "challenging" to interact with. With some work and creativity I think a good exposure plan may help with this.
I also think it is important to understand the distinction between aggressive, assertive and passive aggressive. Being aggressive is when we are only considering our own needs and we tend to bulldoze over other people to aggressively get our needs met. When we are passive aggressive we may say nothing about our needs but our unhappiness and resentment sneaks out in other ways for example, eye rolling, ignoring, etc. When we are assertive we are mindful or our needs but we are also concerned about the needs of another person. We express ourselves honestly but we also inquire about the other person and how they are doing. I think when you look at assertiveness as mutually beneficial then you may be more likely to be comfortable with it. I think everyone appreciates someone who is honest and straight forward. If you are interested in this topic I suggest you doing a bit of research on assertive communication strategies. When you have a few tips and techniques you may feel more confident in your exposure plan. Then with time you will feel more comfortable dealing with challenging people.
What are your thoughts?
Ashley - Health Educator
When people are rude or passive aggressive to me with no reason, I become freeze and cannot interact. There are times I need to defend myself but I find most of the time I have no answer, I can not connect to myself and articulate any thought. Its like a poison that sticks on my head, and I become so sad with me because of that. This is important because if we don't make our point, passive aggressive behaviours tend to escalate, and it is very stressfull.
I think this could be a core belief, around 12 years I remember developing the ideia that I can not say this or that, because it may hurt this person feelings. I become extremely sensitive to others feelings, but in a way that it was too severe on myself.
Don´t know how to change that, this become my default behaviour, and are not functional.