Dear Diane,
My heart goes out to you. I have known personal loss and am a close friend with grief. You are in your grief. It is OK to be with it. It is also OK to have help getting through it. I know some pain takes years, and some never leaves. Who says we are supposed to be happy all the time? Life is full of changes, and you will survive. Deep sorrow brings a gift, the capacity for profound joy. You will be in my thoughts.
neonath