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attitude


10 years ago 0 6252 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hugs

Please don't look at this as a disease, it is a disorder. There is a world of difference. Diseases like diabetes don't go away, disorders do.

Davit
10 years ago 0 4027 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Naa,
I wish it was courage that allowed me to leave.
 
The signs were there though, high blood pressure, being overweight, and I'd gone to ER a few times, work was losing meaning,  seeing colleauges too stressed who had suffered severe problems.  eg. My boss had two strokes, his boss had a bypass, colleagues were going on stress leave, vacations were used to run my parent to docs instead of resting, and I didn't have the courage to take a leave of absence because of the embarrassment, but not regret that.
 
I can't imagine what would have happened if I'd stayed.  Part of me is unhappy for not making a better decision,but that's not the healthy part of me.
 
Having this disease isolates me, and that's not good for decision-making.
10 years ago 0 6252 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Naa

Yes they are stubborn but even partially buried will help.

You can find other visuals for distraction too, those were just examples.

Davit
10 years ago 0 85 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hugs
How did yoiu finally gather the courage to leave?
 
10 years ago 0 85 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Those are funny visuals - I'll see if they work for me. It's funny how we see things - I never would have viewed my tea at meetings as a distraction.
I think I am finally getting what you were saying about replacing negative memories with positive ones - The negative memories are very stubborn though - They dont want to be buried.
 
10 years ago 0 6252 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Naa

Part of the problem with people who panic is because their brain is capable of doing more than it needs to at the time. It has been said that it is because we are smarter. Smart has nothing to do with it. Capability does. Remember survival skills are all negative in thought. Basically "what if's" If you are not fully occupied and on top of that you don't want to be there you will go to these negative thoughts. Everyone does it. Things like where is the door, how soon can I escape, how can I avoid talking to people. (been there, done that)
Visualization is one of those ways to use that extra capacity for thought that is getting us in trouble. You realize that part of what you do with the tea is actually a distraction that uses up some of that extra capacity so you don't use it for escape thoughts. Contrary to popular belief people can not do two things at the same time, there is a space between the thoughts no matter how small. So the object is to switch thoughts when a person starts to panic. In doing this the panic thought has to be dropped to make room for the coping thought. It kind of zig zags back and force as the panic thought tries to invade the coping thought. So it is best to get the coping thought in before the panic thought appears. 
An example is when I had to go to a meeting about selling a certain product. All I had to do was sit like a bump on a log and absorb. Since I knew the material there was nothing to absorb. The room was hot and crowded and I panicked and had to escape. Physically, but I could have escaped mentally if I had of known how at the time. And if I had of done it soon enough. If I had of blocked the thoughts of escape with thoughts of how beautiful the trip there was or things I saw in a store I visited before the meeting, even thoughts of what some of the people I saw on the streets looked like there would have been no room for the escape thoughts and I would have been okay. Not great, but okay since this meeting was new to me and foreign situations always bring on some anxiety. 

Another thing I used to do in store line ups was visualize the people around me as different breeds of dogs. Not only is this funny but it is a great distraction. If it doesn't work then visualize then in funny under ware. Or as dogs in funny under ware. Any thing to use that extra capacity for thought that is normally used for panic thoughts. In time it is not necessary to do it manually, you will think something pleasant all on your own. Because the panic thoughts are conditioning and CBT techniques like this one will change your whole way of thinking and the previous attitude will be gone, buried where it isn't accessible. It takes time to change thought patterns and attitude, but it does happen and it does work. Careful using your child as a distraction because as a mother you will naturally worry and this will set you up for panic thoughts, pick something neutral unless you can think pleasant thoughts like going to the park or a restaurant with your child. See this can back fire if you pick the wrong thoughts to concentrate on.
And if it only works partially, like the tea hang onto that thought that at least it worked partially and will work better next time. It will it just takes time to recondition your thoughts. And enjoy all that money and what you can do with it.

Davit
10 years ago 0 85 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
I realize money isn't the best reason to stay but I do have a 7 year old to take care of and on some level I do like what I do. I see how it would be beneficial to be flexible in my attitude to work. I like the idea of shielding my self from my managers toxicity. How do I do that?  I do "ignore" her as much as I can - I do this by emailing results of assignments and not engaging her too much. At some point though, at least once a week we have status meetings and I go armed with a big jug of really strong chamomile tea! 
10 years ago 0 2508 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Davit,
I hadn't really thought about this before but it makes sense. Thanks for bringing this to my attention.
Yes my life might get a little or even a lot easier for me if I started to work on developing a more flexible attitude..
Good I've got something positive to think about and work on now..
 
Thanks! 
Red..
10 years ago 0 4027 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Naa,
 
I was paid well too, and worked with stressful managers.  The reason I'm glad I was paid well, and wondered at the end of my career, as I talked to the assistance progam counsellors, what the point was of being someone that eventually helped me burn out.
 
But I didn't have the courage to move, and just held on until I could break free, to care for family who needed me.  I suppose there are pros and cons to everything, and an economy with few choices.
10 years ago 0 6252 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Not the best reason to work but better than being there because you have no choice? So how can you bend the money aspect to your need so it can become more pleasant? And how can you ignore the new manager and still do the work since all they are paying you for is the work?
What I'm asking you to do is build a shield against the new managers attitude so it doesn't rub off on you.
It may be time to try visualization as a coping skill to build that shield. Keep in mind what you are building a shield against may be the results of the new managers attitude, not necessarily it directly.

Davit.

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