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Desolate
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6 years ago 0 Desolate 1 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo
Hi.

My name is E.

I am 20 years old, and female.

I'm very friendly, my psychiatrist said that my eye contact was good. I actually enjoy talking to and helping people. I don't have a fear of public speaking or a social phobia.... 

However; I have an irrational fear of soiling myself whenever I'm around someone else. 

It's lead to me pretty much isolating myself, having to withdraw from studies. 

I can't sit when people are around and before I was medicated, I used to pace constantly.

I don't know what started it, or why. I don't want to tell anyone because I am so embarrassed. 

I'm on venlafaxine XR 75mg (and mirtazapine 15mg for sleep) but it makes me feel dumb, my (once sharp) memory is terrible, I can't focus on one thing, whereas I used to multitask. Also, for the first time, I actually felt avoidant of people and anti-social. 

It was working well for a while but now, that anxiety and insistent feeling is there again. 

What do should I do? If CBT, what specifically should I be targeting? 

In the past, I've been diagnosed with bipolar, chronic depression, GAD among other things but I'm not sure if that's relevant. 

(I hope none of that came across as conceited like "Ha! I can look people in the eyes and you can't" - I just didn't want it to be misunderstood as a social phobia, which it often is when I try to explain it.)

I don't think I have IBS. (I can't recall if I have been tested for it.)

This is really depressing and I'd like my life back. 

It's not so bad when I'm in another country and I know that I'm forgettable (how I managed to get there is under heavy influence of sedating drugs.) 

Sorry if I'm rambling, I'm just trying to add details that might be useful. 

I haven't met anyone with the same kind of problems I'm having.

I really don't want to talk to someone about this without being anonymous.

Thank you for your time,
E.